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Mardon Me, Padam, But Do You Know Any Spoonerisms?

Fun with Spoonerisms

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Ever meant to say one thing, but something else pops out of your mouth? Spoonerisms are sort of similar. Here’s curious story of how the word spoonerism was invented—and some fun with words.

 

Spoonerisms are words or phrases in which letters or syllables get swapped—so you end up with a meaning entirely different from the one intended. For example: “It is kistomary to cuss the bride.”

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Believe it or not, it started with a mere slip of the tongue by dignified clergyman. The Reverend William Archibald Spooner, born in 1844, was a highly-regarded scholar and warden of New College at England’s great Oxford University.

One day in a chapel, when announcing the name of a hymn, Spooner intended to say “Conquering Kings Their Titles Take.”

But what came out was “Kinquering Kongs Their Titles Take.”

Although the members of the congregation probably maintained their composure, no doubt with considerable difficulty, from then on Spooner was a marked man.

  • Oxford students quickly proceeded to manufacture other topsy-turvy expressions and hang them on the warden of New College.
  • There is evidence, too, that Spooner went along with the joke and contributed some sterling examples of his own making. By about 1900, the word spoonerism had entered the language.

Spooner was said to be a kind, absent-minded fellow with a keen intellect. He was also an albino with poor eyesight. For whatever reason, it seems that his quick mind couldn’t keep up with this mouth. 

When Spooner died in 1930 at the age of 86, The New York Times allotted his obituary nearly a full column crammed with choice examples of the literary curiosity bearing his name.

  • At the time of Queen Victoria’s Jubilee, said the Times, he was credited with calling for a toast to “our queer old dean” instead of to “our dear old Queen.”
  • On a visit to the British fleet at Portsmouth, he was quoted as asking to go out and see the “cattleships and bruisers.”
  • A student once noted that he had been rebuked by the warden for “fighting liars in the quadrangle,” and an entire class was scolded severly for “hissing my mystery lectures.”

Often-Quoted Spoonerisms

Here are more silly spoonerisms:

  • “A blushing crow” instead of “crushing blow.”
  • “Those girls are sin twisters.”
  • “I was hocked and shorrified.”
  • “We each had tee martoonies.”
  • “She joins this club over my bed doddy.”
  • “He rode off on his well-boiled icicle” instead of “well-oiled bicycle.”
  • “You have tasted a whole worm.” (to a lazy student)
  • “You will leave by the town drain.”
  • “The Lord is a shoving leopard” (Loving shepherd)
  • Upon dropping his hat: “Will nobody pat my hiccup?”
  • “Go and shake a tower” (Go and take a shower).
  • Paying a visit to a college official: “Is the bean dizzy?”
  • Addressing farmers as “ye noble tons of soil”.

And, the classic: “Mardon me padom, you are occupewing my pie. May I sew you to another sheet?”

Enjoy more quirky Almanac articles from the archives!
 

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About The Author

John I. White

 

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Comments

Ralph D. Jeffords (not verified)

1 week ago

I've taken spoonerisms one step farther so that instead of a simple swap of elements (consonant, syllable, etc.) there is a complete permutation of at least three elements. Here's one of my creation that would be considered a feghoot:

An adventurer had heard that there was a sacred shrine constructed entirely of a very rare and valuable wood from
a tree that had long been extinct. When he found a map that gave the location of this shrine, he immediately set out in his seaplane to find this shrine in bowels of a largely uninhabited region far up the Amazon River. After days of searching he finally found the remains of this shrine and was able to strap two timbers of the building to the pontoons of his plane. Unbeknownst to him those beams were home to small rodents that were carriers of a fatal malady. As the plane took off several of these creatures climbed up into the plane and gently bit him on the legs, but so subtly that he did not notice. Soon after he arrived back in civilization he was struck with horrible pain all over his body and soon passed away. The moral of this story: He that flies around with logs soon dies of disease.

Lyana (not verified)

3 years 1 month ago

This is so cool! I didn't know they were called "Spoonerisms."
I grew up phattering this chase, and it lent wike this:

"Mardon me padam, but this pie is occupewed. May I sew you to another sheet?"
"Squirtenly kir, by mut this is a cheautiful burch!"
"Mes yadam, some thinkle teem to peep so."

Did different people learn it different ways?

My co-worker meant to say she was in an all fired-up hurry, but said, "I'm in an all-hired up furry!"
Before leaving for work, I always picked up my cat Buzzy to get my "buzzy snuggles". One night I said "I need my snuzzy buggles", and so a username was born: SnuzzyBuggles.

Upon asking a friend to pick up something for me at the grocery store, "Oh, I need a "lead of hettuce".

Marden me padum but you're occupewing the wrong pie. May I sew you to another sheet? I'm not as much under the affluence of incohol as many thinkle peep. I've just had tee many martoonies but I've got all sober to Sunday up in.

LaureAnna (not verified)

5 years ago

Didn't know these had a name in English. I wonder how it is called in French. There was this one very popular: "Mieux vaut tard que jamais" (better later than never) which became: "Vieux motard que jamais" (Old biker than ever"). They even created a story out of it: a man who waited til old age before indulging in his life-long dream of becoming a biker. LOL

Jeff (not verified)

5 years ago

Of course, who could forget Archie Campbell in the barber shop of Hee Haw lavishing his stories of Rindercella or The Pee Little Thrigs!

Deborah Gokey (not verified)

7 years 4 months ago

"Mardon me, padam, this pie is occupewed, may I sew you to a sheet?" has been a favorite spoonerism. When I learned it, the verse continued with: "or would you prefer a chew in the back of the perch?"

At that time "Madam" was said to reply with another spoonerism. This must have been lost in the history of spoonerisms. Perhaps if someone remembers her rebuttal they might include it in this history.

Bill (not verified)

3 years 5 months ago

Usher: “Mardon me, padam, you are occupewing the wrong pie. May I sew you to a new sheet? or would you prefer a chew in the back of the perch?”

Lady: “Thank you. Chewtiful birch you have here.”

Usher: “Many thinkle peep so.”

dcsarah (not verified)

11 years 7 months ago

'mardon me padam, the pie is occupewed, may I sew you to a sheet?' has always been my favorite.

but I do remember, vaguely, after a night of debauchery, remarking that the imminent arrival of my grand parents was "Bind moggling" or was it "Bog Mindling"? or perhaps "Mog bindling"?